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Summary
- "...a tale people tell when they're drunk in Caina's bars."
- ―Rosh Nyine
Ewok Calamarity is a 34ABY feature film produced by House Excidium and distributed throughout the Empire.
It stars Shadow Nighthunter's Ewok Tribe as the protagonists, Zehsaa Hysh as support, and Imperium Quaestor Lexiconus Qor as the villain. Emperor Vismorsus-Palpatine makes a special appearance.
Plot
An Ewok tribe which had immigrated to Caina's tropical belt lives a peaceful life, trading rare jungle fruit and meats for advanced fabrics. Their peace is shattered one day, though, as CAPITAL CARDINAL CALAMAR invades their home on his carnivorous crusade against all furry species. Forced to flee deeper into the jungle than they ever dared to journey, they encounter the forest's Spirit, who sympathizes with the refugees and grants them assistance in form of an orange Nymph. With their wits combined, they manage to capture CAPITAL CARDINAL CALAMAR and sentence him to die by the laws of Nature - by being roasted and eaten by those who caught him. A wild festival with Nymphs and roasted squid ensues.
However, in a twist of fate, the exposure to Caina's civilization creates a demand for toothpicks, and the Ewoks take their axes to the Spirit...
Cast & Crew
Ewoks - as themselves
Lexiconus Qor - as CAPITAL CARDINAL CALAMAR
Xen'mordin Vismorsus-Palpatine - Spirit of the forest
Zehsaa Hysh - as orange Nymph
Blade Ta'var - as pink Nymph (cameo)
Director - Rosh Nyine
Camera - Jorm Na'trej
Production - Marick Arconae
Music - Chrome
Narration - Kor Vaal
Possible Sequel
Count on it.