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Summary
- "...a tale people tell when they're drunk in Caina's bars."
- ―Rosh Nyine
Rumors say that Ewok Calamarity is a 34 ABY feature film produced by House Excidium and distributed throughout the Empire. Though no one has seen it by themselves, people believe this film to exist (or so they claim).
It stars Shadow Nighthunter's Ewok Tribe as the protagonists, Zehsaa Hysh as support, and Imperium Quaestor Lexiconus Qor as the villain. Emperor Vismorsus-Palpatine makes a special appearance.
Plot
Orange Nymph being harassed by the Spirit of the Forest An Ewok tribe which had immigrated to Caina's tropical belt lives a peaceful life, trading rare jungle fruit and meats for advanced fabrics. Their peace is shattered one day, though, as Capital Cardinal Calamar invades their home on his carnivorous crusade against all furry species. Forced to flee deeper into the jungle than they ever dared to journey, they encounter the forest's Spirit, who sympathizes with the refugees and grants them assistance in form of an orange Nymph. With their wits combined, they manage to capture Capital Cardinal Calamar and sentence him to die by the laws of Nature - by being roasted and eaten by those who caught him. A wild festival with Nymphs and roasted squid ensues.
However, in a twist of fate, the exposure to Caina's civilization creates a demand for toothpicks, and the Ewoks take their axes to the Spirit...
Cast & Crew
- Ewoks - as themselves
- Lexiconus Qor - as Capital Cardinal Calamar (against his will)
- Xen'mordin Vismorsus-Palpatine - Spirit of the forest
- Zehsaa Hysh - as orange Nymph
- Blade Ta'var - as pink Nymph (cameo)
Possible Sequel
- The most drunk storytellers are spreading the rumor that the Emperor himself is commissioning a sequel to this story.
- According to Jorm Na'trej, who uses to tell this tale often, you can "count on it"