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| If I may make suggestions, this article could use a more love before calling it "complete". First thing I notice is that it progressively gets away from being an "encyclopedic article" and starts turning into story. The wrong tense is creeping in to the sentences (I'm looking specifically at the last paragraph of the "Into the Unknown" section as probably the worst case of this). Outside of that, I see images without captions (not strictly necessary, but looks 100% better), too much spacing between paragraphs and some quick spelling and grammar errors (that I'll probably go through and fix later). Honestly, I think it'd be good for you to take a small break from the article and come back at it later instead of filing it away as done forever. --[[User:BenevolentWhiner|Benevolent Whiner]] <small>([[User talk:BenevolentWhiner|talk]] - [[dossier:2706|dossier]])</small> 04:07, 1 March 2012 (UTC) | | If I may make suggestions, this article could use a more love before calling it "complete". First thing I notice is that it progressively gets away from being an "encyclopedic article" and starts turning into story. The wrong tense is creeping in to the sentences (I'm looking specifically at the last paragraph of the "Into the Unknown" section as probably the worst case of this). Outside of that, I see images without captions (not strictly necessary, but looks 100% better), too much spacing between paragraphs and some quick spelling and grammar errors (that I'll probably go through and fix later). Honestly, I think it'd be good for you to take a small break from the article and come back at it later instead of filing it away as done forever. --[[User:BenevolentWhiner|Benevolent Whiner]] <small>([[User talk:BenevolentWhiner|talk]] - [[dossier:2706|dossier]])</small> 04:07, 1 March 2012 (UTC) |
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| | :Another thing - any good article has a nice introduction paragraph that sits before the table of contents. Gives any reader a quick overview of the page and makes things look prettier. There's also some spacing issues with paragraphs in the latter half of the article. --[[User:Shadow Taldrya|Shadow Taldrya]] 06:08, 1 March 2012 (UTC) |
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| | ^^ how do you get to put something before the table of contents? |
| | --[[User:Egregious|Egregious]] 08:04, 1 March 2012 (UTC) |
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| | better? --[[User:Egregious|Egregious]] 23:04, 1 March 2012 (UTC) |
| | :I'm satisfied in the pants, as far as my two points are concerned. Good work. --[[User:Shadow Taldrya|Shadow Taldrya]] 01:00, 2 March 2012 (UTC) |
| | well atleast im not doing your laundry...... and I had to add captions since as a request from Anshar since the picture do not line up with the articles.... --[[User:Egregious|Egregious]] 18:04, 2 March 2012 (UTC) |
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| | That's much better Egregious. Hit everything I brought up earlier. --[[User:BenevolentWhiner|Benevolent Whiner]] <small>([[User talk:BenevolentWhiner|talk]] - [[dossier:2706|dossier]])</small> 01:16, 4 March 2012 (UTC) |
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| | happy dance --[[User:Egregious|Egregious]] 17:53, 7 March 2012 (MST) |
Latest revision as of 00:53, 8 March 2012
complete as I see it
--Egregious 18:14, 29 February 2012 (UTC)
If I may make suggestions, this article could use a more love before calling it "complete". First thing I notice is that it progressively gets away from being an "encyclopedic article" and starts turning into story. The wrong tense is creeping in to the sentences (I'm looking specifically at the last paragraph of the "Into the Unknown" section as probably the worst case of this). Outside of that, I see images without captions (not strictly necessary, but looks 100% better), too much spacing between paragraphs and some quick spelling and grammar errors (that I'll probably go through and fix later). Honestly, I think it'd be good for you to take a small break from the article and come back at it later instead of filing it away as done forever. --Benevolent Whiner (talk - dossier) 04:07, 1 March 2012 (UTC)
- Another thing - any good article has a nice introduction paragraph that sits before the table of contents. Gives any reader a quick overview of the page and makes things look prettier. There's also some spacing issues with paragraphs in the latter half of the article. --Shadow Taldrya 06:08, 1 March 2012 (UTC)
^^ how do you get to put something before the table of contents?
--Egregious 08:04, 1 March 2012 (UTC)
better? --Egregious 23:04, 1 March 2012 (UTC)
- I'm satisfied in the pants, as far as my two points are concerned. Good work. --Shadow Taldrya 01:00, 2 March 2012 (UTC)
well atleast im not doing your laundry...... and I had to add captions since as a request from Anshar since the picture do not line up with the articles.... --Egregious 18:04, 2 March 2012 (UTC)
That's much better Egregious. Hit everything I brought up earlier. --Benevolent Whiner (talk - dossier) 01:16, 4 March 2012 (UTC)
happy dance --Egregious 17:53, 7 March 2012 (MST)