Corrections Needed
Greetings Xen, I have a few questions about your Wiki and your bio. With these questions, I by no means mean to insult you in any way or your creative skill, more so I either need clarification or merely corrections:
1. In your bio, you state that your mother came from a wealthy political family. Since this was before the Empire lost Coruscant, and it was the Imperial Senate, how did your family escape the prejudice that you would receive after the Galactic Empire’s loss at Coruscant? And why would they let a wealthy political Imperial family have a boy trained at the Jedi Praxeum? I didnt state how far up or where her political family was from. I was thinking a lower governable position from some remote colony, nothing major that would receive prejudice. This more to attempt to establish the family he came from as a secure middle class.
2. Was Xen trained at the Jedi Praxeum or the Jedi Headquarters on Coruscant? I wasn't even aware the Headquarters were reestablished on Coruscant. I'll specify at the Praxeum
3. At 16 you said you were a Padawan, along with Angelina, and that you were not the best, but still skilled. If you and Angelina were the same skill level and Angelina was captured by a few thugs, then how did she manage to escape from you, her lover, without you noticing, and how were you able to decapitate the thug leader (after pointing him out so clearly) and her not be able to defend from them? The element of surprise is often more powerful then you think. I was saying Angelina was caught very much off guard, while I in a fit of rage and fear was able to sweep in with a rush of passion.
4. “Although Kilan had killed in a fit of rage, he was still able to be part of the Jedi Order.” How? Why? Why would Luke, whom almost killed his own father in a fit of rage, let someone who did kill in a fit of rage be let go? Any other number of force tricks would’ve helped, and if you couldn’t have done them, then I think two Masters of the Jedi Temple would have been able to dispose of them easily.I was more looking at how Luke made many changes to how the order was run once he reestablished it. However I do see this as a very valid point. Let me brainstorm a better way that Xen can get a taste of the darkside in the situation without necessarily going overboard.
5. You also say you powered a rusty space ship with half of its crew missing through the Shroud? I don’t think that it would be possible to do that. At this point Xen was still very much under the power of the dark side that reconnected itself to him in the temple. It was more an act of the force then any statement of Xen's piloting ability.
6. You just landed on Antei? With all the Brotherhood forces from all around the galaxy, you merely piloted through the Shroud and landed on Antei? I am sure that the Brotherhood’s defense systems worked a lot better than not at all? Again see above.
7. You also say you merely beat a Jedi Master? Jedi Master = Dark Side Adept. As a Sith Battlemaster I could see you maybe pulling it off, but when you leave the Brotherhood, you are separated from your “home” and other things are distracting you, I don’t think it could be pulled off.This may have been a poor wording choice on my behave. I did not mean he was a Jedi Master, just that he was Xen's former master while Xen was a padawan. Jedi Knights are commonly masters yes?
The rest of your profile seems realistic enough, plus overall it looks really good. If you have any questions feel free to ask :) Otherwise starts on those comments and corrections :)
Just a note too: some of the stuff might be passible, but others might not be.
I will be honest I'm glad someone finally went through this to bring up these points. This history is something I had come up with several years ago, and have really been wanting to refine it. These points really bring out the areas I should look at closer so thanks.
Xen'Mordin Vismorsus 15 December 2009
Scyrone 20:52, 11 December 2009 (UTC)